OI! You there, what are you doing? Lurking? C'mere!

I was reading The Coffee Lady's blog today about International Blog Delurking Week last week. As usual I am a couple of days late, but thought I would go ahead and post this.

The last couple of posts brought a lot of new readers to my blog - some of whom commented, not all in agreement of my stance but that is blogging.

If you are out there and reading, and I know from my stats (that I never really look at, cause you know, we bloggers don't really care about who is reading, we are doing it for ourselves, it is not about you, it is about me blahblahbla) erm... sorry. Got carried away. I know from my stats that I have a few forrin readers.

So show yourselves, say Guten Tag or Bonjour and give a wave.

New post coming later today on my favourite iPad apps so stay tuned.

Just Switch The TV Off

I wrote about the Eastenders Babysnatch storyline recently. About why merely switching the TV off was not an option for so many bereaved parents. About why they were protesting.




A poster on Mumsnet wrote tonight,


"in the week this storyline has been running, an additional 119 families will have lost their sons or daughters to stillbirth or neonatal death, as well as those who have lost theirs to cotdeath. This is real life for thousands of families, and EE has made a mockery of it".


Read more of what Caz has to say on her tribute blog to her gorgeous daughter, Belle.


While we discuss, and the BBC disseminates, children are dying. So much has been done over the past couple of decades, since Anne Diamond's "Back to Sleep" campaign saw numbers of cot deaths drop from 2500 annual deaths to 300 deaths.


The Eastenders team decided to concentrate on the ridiculous baby swap story rather than use their influence to further educate new parents of the risks and dangers of SIDS even at one point showing a baby surrounded by pillows, which goes against guidelines.


 Brian Kirkwood, executive producer of Eastenders stated today,


 "EastEnders has a long tradition of dealing with social issues in a powerful and dramatic way.  In its 25 years it has tackled many taboo subjects from HIV to paedophilia, matching drama with public service in a way that has continually kept it as one of the most talked about shows on television.

When we embarked on the story of Ronnie and Kat it was very much with this in mind.  We researched extensively to make sure we would be both factually correct and emotionally truthful."

No, Brian, you did not. If you had, you would have known that it was highly unlikely that a swap of this kind would have been even for a moment considered by a bereaved mother - even one as traumatised by her history of abuse and loss as Ronnie. None of the mothers on Mumsnet have ever thought about stealing a baby, in fact some of them have gone out of their way to avoid babies.


If the storyline had been properly researched and the research heeded, then you would have known that a woman who almost dies from a hemorrhage during birth would unlikely see her child being sent home without her.  That a child who is born with a clubfoot does not miraculously lose it a week later, and a midwife would not ignore that. That the midwife would not blithely dismiss the concerns of Ronnie, who expressed her concern about "her" baby because of the death of her friend's child, without informing her client about the risks of SIDs and how to reduce them. That the midwife would also not ignore the sudden weight-loss of the child.


I refuse to believe that there was no one in the scriptwriting team who did not query this decision. Someone along the line must have said, "Hmm, this is sailing a bit close to the wind, are we sure we want to run this?"


Brian also stated:

We received enormous help from charities, health professionals and bereaved parents themselves, who went out of their way to advise the story-liners, writers and actors.  Our aim was – and still is – to tell a strong story that would, in the telling - raise the profile of Cot Death in the UK.

It’s clear that we’ve managed to do this, and that traffic to the FSID’s website has increased by over 500%

completely ignoring the fact that the anger is not directed towards the storyline concerning the SIDs, but the babysnatch one - which FSID have stated that they were consulted about. Did they ask the health professionals and the bereaved parents if it was likely that a bereaved mother would steal another woman's child? They could have done so much more to help further FSIDs cause, instead of giving people more reason to mistrust bereaved parents.


Why can the BBC and Brian Kirkwood simply apologise for the hurt and pain caused to bereaved parents? Instead the rationalise their decision to go ahead with this storyline, that they were fully aware would cause upset which was run purely to up the ratings over the festive period.


Today posters on the Daily Mail website have ascertained that they found Eastenders' portrayal realistic, that bereaved women do steal babies. I trawled the net today looking for examples and did not find one. Maybe one of the people who are of the opinion that it does happen could help me out there.

"Every dramatic story-line - exaggerated or otherwise - that has appeared on a soap, has been a real-life tragedy for someone in this world. The loss of a child is something that most parents fear the most and luckily never experience. But life doesn't stop for the rest of the world when tragedy strikes someone else and it is important that those who have not been affected, are made aware of the things that can happen. Maybe EastEnders' portrayal of the tragedy is not considered by some people to be realistic but EastEnders is very rarely realistic anyway. For subjects such as cot deaths and overwrought mothers stealing other people's babies, there are no rules. People are all different and react differently"

"The writer and the commenters seem to think this is a "Preposterous and ludicrous" idea and something that human beings would NEVER DO - Completely ignoring the fact that IT HAPPENS."

This shows that the fears of the bereaved mothers are not ridiculous. Viewers of the show do not realise that it is a particularly cynical attempt to win the ratings war, with absolutely no factual base.


This will mean that they will be watched with suspicion, in case they do something completely crazy like steal a baby. It must happen, otherwise the BBC would not have said it does.


Shame on you, Brian Kirkwood. Shame on you, BBC.

Why switching off the TV is not enough - Eastenders Baby-Snatching Storyline

There has been some controversy over the past couple of weeks about the Eastenders baby-snatching storyline. In case you are not a viewer of the British soap, the story begins with the birth of two babies, to two friends who both live in Albert Square.

When one of the babies dies of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), the distraught mother, Ronnie, swaps her son's lifeless body for that of her friend's baby. The other woman, Kat, discovers what she thinks to be her son, dead in his moses basket. This is truly ridiculous - when my children were babies, I could have picked them out of a line up of dozens of babies - why would she not notice that the dead baby was not her son?

I became aware of this story through Mumsnet.

Over the years, there has been a small band of women on MN, to which none of the posters aspire to join. It is a group of mothers who have lost children, whether babies, toddlers, school children, teenagers - they hold together, support each other, welcome those unfortunate enough to join their midst. They also patiently answer questions from other posters -  how best to support a bereaved friend or how to acknowledge the life and death of a child when writing Christmas cards. These women educate us and humble us.

One of these women expressed her anger at the Eastenders storyline, saying that she felt insulted by the portrayal of the bereaved mother as a crazy baby-snatcher, as if this were a normal reaction, a common risk.

Would it have occurred to me to protest, to be outraged if I had not read her post? Probably not. At first I had the same reaction as many had, "Just don't watch it, switch the TV off". After reading the responses of others who have lost children, I have changed my mind.

To say, "It is fiction, it is not real life, it is a drama, a soap" is missing the point. To assert that viewers will understand that it is not real, they are not that stupid is wrong. As the BBC is aware, soap operas are highly influential in UK. I recall a woman saying to an Irish friend of mine, "Ooooh, you are not that Irish Carole from Coronation Street, who had the fling with Gayle's husband". Separating fact from fiction is, for some, not that easy.

The BBC missed the opportunity to educate the British public, to show the truth about bereaved parents, to show how it really is and to show how we can help and support these parents. Instead they skimmed over the bereavement and dashed right on to the baby-snatching story in their attempt to win viewers.

Would a bereaved parent steal a baby? Unanimous NO from those who have been in that horrible situation. They don't want a baby, they want their baby. They would not inflict the pain of child-loss on their worst enemy, never mind a friend.  They already have to fight against pre-conceptions, silently accepting that some of their so-called friends will avoid them, or look at them suspiciously when they show interest in their friend's baby.

Let us be clear. Nothing that the BBC shows will ever hurt these people as much as losing their children. One of the worst times of the year for the bereaved is Christmas. The BBC showed incredible insensitivity by broadcasting this sensationalist crap over the festive season. The only reason they did this is to up ratings.

We can only hope that the opposite happens, and that enough people turn away from their televisions in disgust to show the BBC that they have completely overstepped the mark.

New Year's Resolutions - and Apostrophe Angst

Not a good start to a post - worry about where (if at all) I should put the apostrophe in the title.

New Year's Resolution is correct, isn't it?

If not, I am sure a friendly pedant will correct me.

Today I made a start to my NY Resolutions. They are pretty predictable really:

- be healthier - eat less, exercise more, go to bed earlier.

- be more productive - blog more, write more

- be more consistent - finish what I start

This year, I have promised myself that I will stick to my diet and lose the weight. Going back to a previous, successful attempt, I signed up with Weightwatchers Online and started writing down what I eat. This went well today, as did my first session on the X-trainer, which recently has done more work as a handbag holder than an exercise device. Considering I used to manage 45 mins on the torture tool, the measly 15 minutes today was pitiful, but hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I read with interest the article in the Daily Mail (I only read it for the gossip, honest) about a book called, "Adore Yourself Slim". The basic premise of the book is hardly new - you have to love yourself as a fat person before you can love yourself as a thin person. We should concentrate on being positive instead of falling into a cycle of self-loathing and negativity.

The author, Lisa Jackson, advises writing a list of the things that you love about yourself - before you start your diet. This is not easy, finding 10 things that I love about myself is more difficult than it sounds. Go on, try it.

Next step is to write down the 10 things that others love about you. I have no idea about this, and hope that some of my friends will respond to this post. If they don't, feel free to assume that I am a billy-no-mates.

I am enjoying the list making - it is one of my favourite procrastination techniques, so carry on with the next task - the parts of your body that you love most. I have always liked my eyes, so that went on the list. Later, while I was cleaning the bathroom, I noticed that I was not looking at my spare tire in the mirror, but concentrating on my eyes.

Finally, I write down my goals, short-term, mid-term, long-term goals and the rewards that I will receive when I reach these goals. The rewards are many, I need to keep myself motivated - a manicure, a session with a style consultant, a new hairdo with a top hairdresser. Finally, if - no WHEN I reach my goal, a weekend in Paris with my husband. Might need to ask my Mum if she can babysit for that one, but I am sure she would be delighted to.

Today went well. I wrote two blog posts, started writing a Chick Lit novel, did my 15 minutes of torture on the X-trainer, cooked a healthy and delicious meal, cleaned the bathroom and the floors upstairs.

An online friend said that her NY Resolution was "Live More Bravely". I love that and am going to steal it. Anyone want to join me?

Lighting up Geneva

Geneva transforms in winter, from a sunny lakeside town to a grey and slightly boring place. Thankfully, there is respite from the grungy winter - The International Christmas Tree & Lights Festival (Le Festival Arbres & Lumières). Large-scale light installations are to found throughout the city, many of them decorating trees. The event welcomes guest artists and designers each year.

My daughter and I set off on our first Photo Shoot together - she received a camera for Xmas and I hope that this will be the first of many.

The next purchase for my camera will definitely be a tripod - taking photos without blurring is very difficult otherwise.